just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Panties = found
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
