Heybabeimwearingurpanties
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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