I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
