trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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