In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
