Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
