I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
where are my eyebrows?
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