dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She announced her abortion via fbk
if only i could text you this smell
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free