im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.