is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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