You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
