You made me cry and you don't even care
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
