You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We smell like vodka and hangover
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
