found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize