You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
