i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
