its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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