My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
