Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
