I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The struggles of a small town man whore
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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