After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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