Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
