Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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