I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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