Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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