ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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