I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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