you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
