Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We left the knife in your bed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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