I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
