What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is Oprah even human
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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