just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mom said you looked used
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
