I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
