dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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