Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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