If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
