I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
