WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
