she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
