we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
