Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
