So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
