my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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