well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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