Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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