I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.