He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't turn off my feet"
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?