she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.