My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.