Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.