maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
