woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
