I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
