where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
