i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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