It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
