You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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