Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
