so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
thus making me awesome and them whores
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
