It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
