the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how can u be prego again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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