i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
