My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
