it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
