Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
