mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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