He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
