bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize