my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
