why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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