Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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