So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
