I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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