Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
