I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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