that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
