Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
