My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
