Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
