i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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