I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
